


Numbers And Figures, Science And Progress

by Phanwich



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sad Dan Howell, and Phil is dead, but also kinda fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-28 23:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12618208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phanwich/pseuds/Phanwich
Summary: After Phil passes away, Dan is left to face the world alone.---A short little fic I started. Finished it last night. Kinda sad but also hella cute, in my opinion.Thanks, Coldplay, for the title (The Scientist).





	1. Nobody Said It Was Easy

Dan looked up the stairs, tears welling up in his eyes as he slowly started up them. It all hurt so badly that he wished he could forget it all, start over again. How many times had he and Phil raced each other up the stairs and laughed when the other fell? How many times had they helped each other up after a few too many pints, had they just sat at the top and talked? Dan blinked back the tears, unlocking and opening the door to their- his- flat. He slammed it shut as hard as he could before collapsing onto the carpeted floor, finally giving ininto the sobs that threatened to break him apart from the inside out.

It was all over- Phil was dead, another victim to never-ending mutation.

Dan screamed until the wordless howl was all he could hear over the metronome of his broken heart.

"You get five more seconds of weakness," he told himself. "One, two, three, four, five." Gritting his teeth, Dan forced himself to stand, wiping his eyes with his sleeves.

"I miss you," he whispered aloud, looking up at the ceiling. "I need you, and you bloody left me!" He rested his head against Phil's bedroom door, closing his eyes as he pushed it open. Phil's green, blue and purple duvet was pulled straight and tucked neatly along the sides of his wicker bed, his clothes hangin in the closet, his floor littered with paper, his succulents sitting on top of his bookshelf. How could everything look so neat and normal when Dan's whole world had disappeared? He crossed the room, sitting on Phil's bed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he buried his face in Phil's sheets, breathing in the scent of his late friend. "I just want you to come back."


	2. Running In Circles

"You're such an idiot," Phil laughed, pulling his knit cap down further over his ears.

"I know," Dan teased, gently poking his friend, "but so are you."

"That's why we're friends," Phil agreed. He sighed and glanced out the window, and Dan caught a glimpse of sadness on his face. "I don't want to die, Daniel," he whispered, tears sliding silently down his cheeks like raindrops. "There are so many things I haven't done yet."

"Hey," Dan replied, taking Phil's hand in his own. "Look at me." Phil did. "You're not going to die, Philly. You've survived squirrel attacks, jumping off cliffs, and three-legged DDR. You're not going to die because of a little illness."

"Visiting hours end in five minutes," an announcement over the intercom came. "Visitation hours are Monday through Saturday, from 0800 to 1700. Visitation ends in five minutes." Dan and Phil exchanged sad smiles, and Dan stood.

"Well, see you Monday," Dan said casually. "Good night, Phil."

"Wait!" Phil pleaded. He leaned forward as Dan turned to face him. "If I... die tonight," he began slowly, "I want you to know I love you very much. You're the greatest person I've ever known, Daniel Howell, and it's been an honour and a privilege to call you my best friend. Thank you, Bear.

"Thank you for everything."


	3. No One Ever Said It Would Be This Hard

Dan emerged from the dream with tears in his cheeks, Phil's last words to him haunting the air like a physical ghost. He buried his face in Phil's pillow, trying to block out the harsh reality to no avail.

What wouldn't Dan give for one more word, one more laugh, one more glance, one more hug, one more smile, one more touch, one more night. Dan looked up at the ceiling every fibre of his being screaming for just one more.

He wiped his eyes and let the grief consume him. What else was there to do, truthfully, except scream and cry in a vain effort to release the wild animal clawing away at him inside his very being?

"You promised!" Dan shouted, yanking at Phil's sheets. "You told me you wouldn't leave me! You lied! You lied to me," he repeated quietly, all the fire draining from his bones instantly. He wrapped Phil's duvet around his shoulders, suddenly cold.

"I miss you, you idiot," Dan admitted. "I miss your terrible puns, your awful cooking, your subpar jokes. I miss late nights at the cinema, or dinner, or home. I miss our horrid late night karaoke sessions, belting out High School Musical- together. I miss sitting on the couch with you, watching foreign films with subtitles for a bit before starting popcorn fights and collapsing on the floor in laughter, food fown our clothes and in our hair. Most of all, though, I miss you, Phil Lester." Dan sighed sadly, pulling the blanket closer to his body. "Please." He noticed a CD on Phil's nightstand and picked it up, observing the paper sleeve.

"Daniel Howell," the sleeve read in black Sharpie. Dan swallowed, recognising Phil's careful handwriting.

"You cheeky little-" Dan started. He stopped, smiling sadly upwards. "Thank you."


	4. Chasing Our Tails

Phil set up his camera, silently cursing his shaking hands. Eventually, he managed to get it running, and he sat on his bed. He smiled at the camera and looked down, adjusting his jumper.

"Good morning," Phil greeted. "Well, it's morning now, but you could be watching this at three in the afternoon or something." He sighed. "I hope you never see this, Daniel, because if you're watching this, it means I'm..." Phil drew in a deep breath, his blue eyes glistening with tears.

"It means I'm dead," he whispered. "I failed not only myself, but you and my family and our friends. I hope that one day, you can find it in your heart to forgive me for forcing you to face the world alone. I hope you know that I didn't want to leave you or anyone else." He rubbed the back of his neck idly.

"It's currently 10:27 AM on Tuesday, April fifteenth of 2017," Phil announced. "Everything is looking up, but I feel it best to be prepared. Murphy's law, afterall- anything that can go wrong will. There's a lot I never told you, and I lot I'll never get to say to you. So, go ahead and look through my stuff. I can't stop you. Those boxes I said would stay secret until I died?" Phil laughed humourlessly. "There's nothing left to hide. I only ask that whatever you should find, you remember me as I was and not as I am." Phil's voice broke as he began to cry.

"I ask that you remember me as your friend, Daniel, because that's what I was and what I'll always be," Phil practically begged. "I know that I abandoned you in this cruel and unforgiving world, but I love you more than you will ever know. It hurts me to know I caused you pain, but know I didn't want to leave you or anyone else behind.

"I'm not dead yet, and I'm fighting," Phil continued. "When I do go, Dan, it'll be kicking and screaming." Phil adjusted his cap, shivering slightly. "Of all the ways to go, mine had to be fucking leukemia, didn't it?" He shook his head. "God, I'm not ready to go. I don't want to die. It's not fair, really. Thirty years and I get smited like I'm nothing." He sighed. "That's just how it goes, though, isn't it? We aren't anything. We don't matter, and at the end of the day, we're victims to the genetic mutations that allow the diversity on the earth. Enough about that, though," he added, smiling sadly.

"Daniel James Howell, you mean the world to me, and it is my deepest regret to leave you, but know that I love you so, so much, that you are the greatest person in the world, and that this wild ride I've gotten to share eith you over the past eight years has been absolutely incredible. Thank you, Bear.

"It's been a privilege to call you mine."


	5. Questions Of Science, Science And Progress, Do Not Speak As Loud As My Heart

Dan wiped his eyes with his sleeves as the video ended, closing Phil's laptop.

"I'm not going to," he whispered. "Whatever's in here is your business, Philly, and I'm not going to take advantage of this situation." He stood, standing in Phil's doorway and taking in the room silently.

Years of late night chats, hours of banter, all... gone.

"So long and good night," Dan breathed, his voice catching on the last word. He mentally kicked himself for quoting My Chemical Romance, but it just felt... right. He stepped out, closing the door one final time, the door latching with a sense of finality.

"So long and good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end.
> 
> I started this back on... September 9th, 2017 at 9:47 PM. I finished November 2nd, 2017 at 10:38 PM.
> 
> Wow.
> 
> I just kind of quit for a bit, okay? But now it's done and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> ~Phanwich


End file.
